i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
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