Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
