So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
