walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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