I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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