community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
