Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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