there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
me + whiskey = a bad person
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
