She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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