i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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