then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize