I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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