Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
