Your face is a jimmy john
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
