i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
