I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We just shotgunned beers for America
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
