is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
