I accidentally burped into my bong.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
