Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
