Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
