I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
