Only a mothe r could love this liver
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I need water and some morals
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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