i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She told me I should be a condom model.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
