Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
