Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
