Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
