If that was your dad, he is hot
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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