First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
