So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
