Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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