Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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