Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
