i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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