If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize