I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
