Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Fuck appropriateness.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
