I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
it glows. i had to have it.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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