the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
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