Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
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