Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
