Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
