If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
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