apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize