I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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