You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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