This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
