Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
