Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
