So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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