OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
