I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
