the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
