The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize