I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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