Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
