so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
