i would punch a child for taco bell
I think my fart just growled at me.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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