Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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