i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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