My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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