You don't have asthma, your pregnant
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
