No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
