After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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