I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
