He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize