Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
