I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
