she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
