you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize