the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
