I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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