I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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