there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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