At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
