she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
