Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
