do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
