It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
