Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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