I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The beer is more important than you right now.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
