it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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