Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
