Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm really busy with my period
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