dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
