How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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