I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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