hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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