i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
