the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
are you so shy because you have an std?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
