Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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