Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
