oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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