I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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