Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
It was a blind-side dick pic.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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