you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
