You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
