I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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