forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
