I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Found the puke drawer
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
