mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
