just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize