I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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